And The Oscar Goes To...

The Academy Awards were last week and as I sat there watching, even the Chunky Monkey I was devouring couldn't keep the melancholy from welling up inside. As some of you know, I am an actress. I still call myself "actress" and not "actor" like some of today's stars do. They do it, I think, to lend an air of respectability to their craft, which as far as I can tell is mostly playing one dimensional, gum-snapping, bubble-headed eye candy. I do it mostly because, well, let's face it, I'm not the most feminine looking gal on the block. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people ask my parents things like, "Does he bite?" "Has he ever killed anyone?" and "How do you sleep at night knowing that he could "click on" at any moment and rip your throats out?" It's frustrating. Why can't SHE ever rip their throats out?!!?
Anyway, I was sad because I was watching my peers parade up onto that grand stage to accept accolades for their performances in roles that I know I was more suited for had I not been ostracised by the Hollywood community (humility, Ben & Jerry's and a half a box of Chardonnay do not go hand in hand). Time after time I've been passed over for parts because of my looks, or worse, because of my checkered past. Hey, I'm not the only actress who was forced to walk the streets at an early age, have babies and then give them up for adoption (all eleven of them). I'm just the only honest one. I know you think I'm just another whack-job blogger living in her own fantasy world dripping in her own self-absorbed-ed-ness-ness (?), but I have proof... I need you to bear with me here. I need you to go to YouTube and start the Jim Carrey interview with David Letterman. You don't have to sit thru the whole thing. Let it load, then fast forward to the 7:42 mark... It's a clip from his new movie The Number 23. See if you can spot the part I was up for, then come back. Use this link... Jim Carrey on Letterman Go 'head, do it now... then come right back.
OK, hopefully you've figured out that I was being considered for the part of the "creepy, yet sophisticated bully-breed with a heart of gold" sitting there in the middle of the street. My agent told me they were looking for a cross between "a young Cujo and a somewhat less standoff-ish Gwyneth Paltrow type". We both thought I'd be perfect for it. Check out the audition reel I sent them... then come back.
Well? Whaddya think? Am I crazy or am I the only one who thinks that that saggy jowled, unconvincing, mouth breathing half-breed got the part instead of me 'cause she'd been allowed up onto the casting couch after dinner? I mean, really. You work at your craft, you compile a body of work you can be proud of, pay you dues doing Annie in regional theater for six loooong years and this is the thanks you get? I can't even get a gig on one of those freakin' Law & Orders. I'm beginning to get the feeling that I definitely have been sleeping with the wrong pack...

Welcome To My World!

Welcome to my new blog!
My name is Roxanne, and as most of you know by now, I'm a world famous YouTube video artist. My postings have hundreds of hits and have been seen by classy people from Sunnyvale Drive to as far away as Cambridge/Sommerville, MA! I live with my parents (NOT my real 'rents -- thank GAWD-- I'm adopted) in a home for the aged and infirmed in Somerset, NJ. It's not really an actual old folks home, but a gated community for the 55 and older crowd. My mom's only 50, and Daddy's MUCH younger, but they were allowed in, anyway. I think the board must've heard of me and thought it'd be cool to have a celebrity living amongst them.
The place is "guarded" by a fence and a main gate, and people have to be announced before they get let in. It gives some of the folks here a sense of security, but if you ask me, it's more useful purpose is to keep Mrs. Pistarelli from wandering off the grounds.
Sorry, that was just my teen angst speaking. But seriously, if you drive up to the gate and have either Chinese food in the front seat or what appears to be someone's grandkid strapped into the back seat, they'll let you in -- no questions asked!
Keep checking back, as I'll be updating this blog with my innermost thoughts on how things are going for me around here, what my dear "we-love-you more-than-we-would-if-you-were-our-own-flesh-and-blood-because-we-had-so-much-love-to-share-that-we-chose-you" B.S. flinging parents have been doing with the house, and how I'm adjusting to life out here on the plains (sorry, again, for that sarcastic (albeit obscure) reference to that (I'm soooo sure) made up story about how sick old elephants leave their packs and wander off to die and whatever). And, oh, yeah, I'll post links to my AbFab videos, too. Here's one of my early works... Roxanne and The Spoon. Enjoy!